We’re way into Ramazan and many of us already know the best places for Sehri and Iftar.
But sometimes, you just need to hang with your friends and family at a casual iftar at home. The plus? You don’t have to fight strangers to get close to the buffet. The downside? You’ll notice how all your friends, no matter how normal they are in ‘real life,’ become a little more… quirky during the holy month.
Do these people sound familiar?
1) The one who just woke up
Haan bhai, iftar ka time hogia hai kya?
You’ll only see these people at Iftar time. They’re the one who’ve been sleeping all day because the roza takes such a great toll on them. There’s a good chance they’ll zone out right before Iftar and you’ll have to nudge them awake. They’ll eat to their heart’s content, pray and quickly head home to go back to sleep. These people can give a polar bear a run for its money.
2) The impatient rozeydaar
This lot clearly missed the ‘Ramazan and patience’ memo.
Every last minute to Iftar is torture for them, and guess who they’re gonna take out their frustration out on? Everybody at the party. Also, the tables and chairs, maybe even the tissue box.
You might imagine a child going “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”, but you’d be surprised how many grown ups are extra grouchy, irritated at everything, and at complete risk of breaking their fast with a swear word.
3) The wannabe dieter
This one loves Ramazan for its ‘health benefits’, particularly the excuse of starving themselves the whole day without Nani Jan getting upset. You know what we mean.
During Iftar this person will be the one trying their level best to avoid the pakoras and samosas (in fact if you go to their place for iftari they won’t serve any ‘unhealthy’ goodies). But then they have the ‘just one pakora’ phase… which doesn’t end well.
No matter how much they try to avoid it, ‘just one’ pakora leads to two, which leads to a serving of jalebi, which leads to them spending the rest of the evening complaining about how they ‘ate soooo much’ and now hate themselves.
Yeah, we heard you. And we might hate you too…
4) The holier than thou
We all know at least one person who gets a case of the judgeys during Ramazan.
The one going haw haye at any chance they get. You’d think some food in them would fix it but no, it’s yet another opportunity to go holier than thou.
They’re fixated on your clothes during iftari, how much you’ve eaten and what you do right after eating. If you don’t immediately head off to pray, they’ll judge you. If you’re wearing nail polish, they’ll judge you. If you start talking about the great film you watched last night, they’ll judge you. Usually this judgement is accompanied by a lecture and a link to a YouTube video by their favourite aalim.
Don’t worry about disappointing this person, you always will.
5) The Masterchef host
Ah, the host of the iftar party.
Now there may be a chance that you are at an iftar party and there are some basic iftari must haves. If you are in Pakistan, that chance is almost nil. The host is not just prepping iftar, but is a chef, preparing a feast for the kings.
The spread at the iftar table may sound exciting but gives you anxiety because you know how hard this person worked on the iftar and dinner. Yes, iftar and dinner… and dessert… if it were up to them, Sehri too…
6) The shareef tharki
Ladies have met their fair share of shareef tharkis. They are the ones who ‘kindly’ text all their friends of the opposite sex to wake up for Sehri and ask how their roza is going. It’s all halal to them. You wanna call them out for it but they can easily make you feel guilty. Because, they’re just doing the right thing, aren’t they?
Then they meet you for iftar and give you a khajoor and say “Abhi tou yehi date milegi.” And you cringe. They also make many halal/haram jokes… at your expense. Cringe level 9000.
Dear tharki, we see right through you. And you need to stop.
7) The smoker
For this person, the toughest part about keeping a roza is not the ‘not eating or drinking’ part. They are probably prone to skipping meals anyway. It’s not even the practising patience part or the sleep part.
Nope. It’s the fact that they have to give up their smoking. Every fasting smoker has once wondered in their life, “Technically it’s not eating or drinking, right?” and they yearn for someone to tell them that’s true.
You can recognise the fasting smoker at an iftari as it will be the one who swallows a khajoor and dashes outside. They’ll join you later with a hazed smile on their face, as if their life is complete.
8) The one who doesn’t fast
The person who doesn’t fast is at an iftar party and Mr Judgey is having a field day. This is the person who is either trying to be really quiet about them not fasting or has been vocal due to their very controversial beliefs… that they will never utter outside of this party.
Either way, this poor person is trying their hardest to fit in with the rozeydaars, and usually not doing well. From very loud ‘Oh yeah totally’s’ to almost eating before iftaar timing, there’s usually a moment which has others asking “Sweety, are you not fasting?”